Down the Rabbit Hole: Anger, Love, & Cord-Cutting

A pair of scissors placed between two bunches of red threads, representing the cutting of energetic cords.

Lately, I've been exploring the connection between anger, love, and cord-cutting; how emotions and energy intertwine in ways that often get misunderstood. As a transformative life coach with a background in psychology and energy work, I hear people say that anger can't exist without love. But that isn't true. Anger and love are completely different emotions that can coexist, overlap, and sometimes fuel each other. That single misconception pulled me down a deep rabbit hole of research and reflection, leading me to question what truly binds us through energy and emotion.

The Misconception: Challenging the Link Between Anger and Love

I was watching a video on cord-cutting recently and the person said:

"In order to be angry at someone you need to love them. The amount of anger you have towards someone is very tiny compared to the amount of love you have towards them."

At first, I paused, not because it was something that struck me, but because it just didn't sit right with me.

When I took my psychology classes one of the things we studied was how people can sometimes feel more anger towards a stranger than towards someone close like a friend, family member, or a partner. You can be angry at others and have absolutely no love for them at all.

Think about it: If someone cuts you off in traffic, do you secretly love them more than you're angry? Of course not.

There are endless example that can be listed to disprove this, but basic psychology already has this covered. That statement is wrong.

Anger doesn't require love.

Anger is defined as an emotional response to perceived injustice, threat, or the violation of expectations. It has nothing to do with love. In cognitive appraisal theory, anger comes from how we interpret an event in relation to our goals and values. Behavioral studies have also shown that anger activates threat-response systems, not attachment or love circuits.

Love or closeness can regulate anger, that much is true. When we care about someone, we're more likely to empathize or make sense of their behavior. But pure anger rarely comes with context. It's raw, full of emotions that are unrecognizable to most people, happens quickly and is often automatic.

So when I heard that statement: love is required for anger, it threw me. It had me stuck fro weeks. My progress on a project even ground to a halt until I could research it properly. I went back to that video several times, and every time I did, I felt the same thing: it was spoken from a place of misunderstanding.

Since the video was about energetic cords, I think they were associating the cords with love. But again, energetic cords do not require love to form. That person who cut you off in traffic? Yep, you formed a cord. Energy doesn't need love to connect, it just needs an exchange.

What is a Cord?

A cord is a energetic connection between you and another being, place, things, or even situation. It's an unseen tie that represents a flow of energy between two points. Since everything is energy, we have cords with far more than we realize: people, places, objects, memories, even movies we didn't like. Sometimes, cords form just by touch or emotional reaction.

Cords are called many things like:

energetic cords
ethereal connections
red or silver string (Chinese mythology)
hooks
psychic cords
cording
soul connections
soul ties

Cords can connect anywhere around the body, but most often through chakras or energy centers. Most people can see them, but they can feel them, that tug or sense of attachment that doesn't make logical sense. Sometimes cords can even become sources of obsession, health issues, and creative blocks.

What Got Me Sucked into Cord Cutting?

I was researching cord-cutting for a course I'm creating when I came across that video with the quote. Cord-cutting, for me, is about reclaiming your energy, taking back your power so that you can feel lighter, more grounded, and revitalized. It is not just about ending a relationship or performing a ritual. Unless you sever the energy flow, the cord will just reform.

I spend time in Facebook groups where people talk about cord-cutting daily. There are so many posts about failed rituals and after replying to the same question for the third time, I realized I needed to write a course on it. I've been an energy worker for years, and cutting cords is something I practice regularly. It takes patience, intention, and understanding.

While outlining my course, I hit that quote again and once again it stopped me. I asked myself: Can you be angry and in love?

Personal Reflection

Yes, you can. This is not an answer that is based on psychology, but on my own lived experience.

I have been angry at someone I love. Really angry. But that anger wasn't about love itself, it was about frustration, unmet expectations, and emotional conflict.

For me, love and anger have always been separate emotions. Still, when I watched that video, it made me question myself. I dug deeper, looked at what I'd learned from psychology, and realized I wasn't wrong. Anger and love can exist together, side by side.

I love a man who doesn't seem to think I matter much beyond being "friends." His indifference frustrates me, not because he is cruel, but because his actions and words never match. He talks about me constantly to others, yet when we face each other, it's like a wall goes up. People joke that he's in love with me but afraid of me. Maybe he sees himself in me... who knows.

The anger I feel isn't explosive, violent, or destructive. It's a quiet kind of anger, the kind that comes from disappointment and confusion. Sometime I cry, sometimes I punch my pillow, and sometimes I just write about it. All healthy ways to release what can't be spoken.

Lately, my attachment to him has been fading. I saw him the other day and didn't even wave. Maybe that was cold. Maybe it was self-protection. My engagement with him is dropping, and with that, so is my anger. Cutting cords with him, over and over, helps me to let go both of the love and the anger.

So, why haven't you cut-cords with him?

I have. Several time. But here's the thing: every time I cut cords with him, he shows back up. Maybe there is still karma to be cleared? That little spark of hope reignites, and the cords reform. Our connection feels like a soul-tie, stronger than most cords. I cut the smaller cords after every encounter, but a soul-tie is a different beast. When the other person keeps feeding it energy, it doesn't matter how many times you cut it, it will reform.

Most people try to cut cords with someone they no longer love, which makes it easier. But many don't understand how energy works. You can be "over" someone emotionally, yet still send energy through the cords, or have energy pulled from you.

Cutting cords doesn't erase memories. That person will always exist within your energetic field in some way. You can cover up memories, reframe them, or heal from them, but total erasure? That's not how energy works. Trauma can even create protective barriers around memories, which sounds helpful but can turn into triggers later, creating mental health issues of their own.

In my own healing journey, I have faced many of those memories and triggers. To create trauma just to forget this man would undo my progress. So instead, I choose acceptance, forgiveness, and letting go... not suppression. That's the real detachment.

Cord-Cutting Course

I am still in the process of writing my course. The research and the framework are mostly done, but editing and keeping everything consistent takes time. There's a lot of surface level information out there, and I don't want to create "just another course."

I want this one to teach, not just inform. You can't successfully cut cords if you don't understand what they are, how they form, and what emotional or energetic roots are keeping them alive. Shadow work is a huge part of it, because if you're still emotionally tied to someone, those cords aren't going anywhere. Getting to the core of it all, that's where the true work and success lies.

Final Thoughts

I spent way too much time thinking about whether anger and love could coexist. In the end, I already knew the answer, but sometimes things can challenge beliefs and you need to do the research again to verify it.

What bothers me most wasn't the statement itself, but the fact that I trusted the person who said it. I've taken Reiki courses from them in the past and never thought to question their sources. It made me re-examine my own work and values: transparency, honesty, and a commitment to truth.

It's easy these days to accept information without verifying it, especially when it's presented confidently or feels spiritual. That instructor has been teaching since the 1990s, and it's a bit unsettling to think they've been spreading inaccurate information for over 30 years.

On top of that, while researching for this post and my course, I also fell down another rabbit hole of SEO and EEAT updates for my website. (Trust, authority, transparency, all things I thought I already understood.) It all circles back to the same point: trust the process, question the source, and always keep learning.

So yes, I am angry and in love. Both are valid. Both are part of being human, and maybe that's the real lesson: it's not about separating the two, but understanding what they're trying to teach you.