How Often Do We Take Our Friends for Granted?

We often share the darkest parts of our lives with our friends, but how often do we pause to wonder what they aren’t sharing with us?

Now reverse the roles. What are you not sharing with your friends?

It all comes down to trust; how much you trust them, and how much they trust you. Vulnerability is never easy. Sharing personal, painful stories opens us up to the fear of judgment. The “Am I normal?” question hangs in the air, and conversations can become awkward. But sometimes, all a person really needs is someone who will listen without judgment. I know this from experience.

A few years ago, I shared a story with a friend about being repeatedly sexually assaulted while in foster care. I’d told others about my past before, but I always left out certain details, the ones I had blocked out, compartmentalized, or simply couldn’t remember because the trauma was too heavy to face. Those details didn’t seem necessary… or maybe I just wasn’t ready.

This particular friend had made a few advances toward dating me, which I welcomed, but I knew I had to share my truth before things went further. In past relationships, my trauma would show up, especially around intimacy. I wanted him to understand, and more importantly, to have the opportunity to walk away if it felt like too much. He did. And though it broke my heart at the time, I know it was the right thing for both of us. We went our separate ways, but stayed in occasional contact.

A few weeks ago, I had a nightmare that shook me awake. Meditation didn’t help, so I turned to journaling. I poured my thoughts onto the page, messy, raw, and unfiltered. The next night, I reread what I had written and meditated on it. That’s when the memories started coming back, clear, detailed, and painful. My guides and my higher self, helped me piece together what I had once locked away. The emotions were overwhelming. They lingered for days, even after I tried to release them.

Then, as life often works in mysterious ways, I ran into that same friend again. We decided to meet up for pizza, just to catch up, just as friends. What unfolded during that simple dinner was unexpected and deeply healing. He opened up to me, sharing that he had been molested as a child by a priest. He had never told anyone besides his family, not his closest friends, not his partners. He had carried that weight for years, fearing judgment and rejection.

He told me that he felt broken, like less of a man because of what had happened. His relationship with his girlfriend was unraveling, and he didn’t know how to fix it. As he shared, he cried. And I listened. My own trauma stirred, but I stayed present. When he finished, I looked into his eyes and said through tears of my own, “I am honored that you shared your story with me.”

And I meant it with all my heart.

That moment—his vulnerability, his trust in me—validated my own pain. It reminded me that I’m not alone. We talked about our shared trauma, how it shaped us, and how just speaking it aloud helped us both take another step toward healing. After that night, we went our separate ways again. Given his relationship situation, I don’t feel it’s appropriate to stay close. But I’m grateful we crossed paths again, even just for that brief moment.

Life has a funny way of bringing people back into your life when you least expect it, often to teach you something you’re finally ready to learn.

After our conversation, I was able to release more of the trauma I had been holding on to. Just being heard by someone who truly understood, who had been there, was enough. Am I fully healed? No. But I am better. I’m stronger. And most importantly, I now have tools and clarity to continue healing, because I know that I matter. That we all matter.

So the next time someone wants to talk—really talk—listen. You never know what they’re carrying, or how your presence could be the very thing they need to finally feel safe, seen, and heard.

It might just be the healing moment you need, too.

If this resonated with you, and you’re looking for a safe space to explore your own journey, I offer Spiritual Guidance and Life Coaching sessions through my website. Whether you’re navigating trauma, seeking clarity, or simply want to grow into your fullest self, I’m here to walk beside you.

You’re also welcome to join my Facebook group for open, compassionate discussion with others on similar paths. Healing doesn't have to happen alone.

You deserve to be heard. You deserve to heal. And you deserve to thrive.

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