Disclaimer: This post includes discussion of abuse and trauma, which can be distressing. If you are experiencing abuse or need support, please reach out to trained professionals. In the US, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or the US National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 . If you are outside the US, local crisis lines or mental health services are available. Your safety matters.

A misty landscape with trees in the background, overlaid with a motivational quote about patterns and excuses.

Click here to download the Free SMART Goal Worksheet.

Making excuses can feel protective, but over time they quietly block personal growth, goal setting, and meaningful progress. In this post, I explore how excuses are often rooted in habits, trauma responses, and poor goal planning, and how awareness is the first step toward change. By understanding the psychology of habits, motivation, and stress, we can learn why we avoid our goals and how to create actionable, realistic plans that support growth instead of fear. Using tools like SMART goals, journaling, and compassionate self-evaluation, real change becomes possible. Growth doesn't come from avoiding discomfort; it comes from recognizing patterns and choosing differently.

Excuses as Invisible Walls

Over the past few months, I have been unpacking a lot. I began noticing how often I made excuses, for projects, for healing, and for growth. These excuses were not screaming or overly dramatic; instead, they were small, familiar, and most importantly convincing. Over time they built walls.

Excuses don't always look like laziness. They tend to look like "I'll do it later," or "I don't have time right now." But excuses don't protect progress... they prevent it.

Awareness: Where Growth Actually Begins

Noticing patterns is how healing starts. Awareness of how you respond, especially under stress, can be the difference between staying stuck in a habit and consciously building a practice.

Psychologically, habits form because they work: at least at one point they did. The brain is wired to conserve energy and reduce perceived threats. If something worked in the past to avoid a threat and kept you safe, this becomes the default. Your nervous system will always default to what it perceives as safe.

This is important: Habits are not character flaws. They are learned responses.

What Happens When Habits Are Interrupted?

When unhealthy habits lose their grip, something surprising happens:

Creativity resurfaces
Motivation increases
Desire returns
Inspiration becomes accessible again

Avoidance doesn't eliminate discomfort. It only delays it. And as that delayed discomfort grows it becomes heavier. It doesn't go away until it is dealt with.

Goals Without Structure Create Stress

Last year, I held many goals, most of which never truly got off the ground. During my end-of-the-year reflection, a pattern became clear: I wasn't failing because I lacked discipline. I was failing because my goals weren't actionable.

Research in goal psychology shows that vague goals increase stress and avoidance, while specific goals increase follow-through. The brain needs clarity to act.

Let's take one of my goals as an example:

"Create a Book of Shadows on Deities"

Wow. That sounds inspiring, but it lacks structure. Questions I didn't answer at the start included:

What pantheons am I including?
What depth of information is required?
Who is this for?
What does finished actually mean?

Without these details, the project stalled. I had basic stuff, hodgepodge together in a folder on my desktop, but I kept telling myself: "I will return to it later." Time became my excuse.

The Psychology Behind Excuses

When I finally asked, "How did this happen?" I didn't pass blame. Instead, I explored the habits beneath the behavior.

I turned to journaling and self-inquiry, asking questions like:

Where have I seen this pattern before?
How often does this show up?
Am I tired, stressed, bored, overwhelmed, or avoiding something specific?
What am I trying not to feel right now?
What would I have to face if I didn't make this excuse?
What risk am I avoiding or feel threatened by: failure, judgment, effort, disappointment?
What do I gain staying stuck?
What would I lose if I stopped doing this?
What is one small action I could take instead?

Psychologically, avoidance often shows up when goals feel overwhelming, unclear, or emotionally unsafe. The brain associates stress with danger, even when danger no longer exists.

We all struggle at times. Sometimes the best thing to do is to step back and re-evaluate the situation. Are things working out as I intended? What needs to change? How can I get this back on track?

Trauma, Habits, and Self-Protection

Some of my habits were formed in childhood as a response to abuse. Setting goals that conflicted with my abuser's expectations resulted in harm, so I learned to stop dreaming and planning as a form of self-protection.

That habit once kept me safe.

But survival strategies don't always translate into thriving behaviors.

While I am no longer being abused, my nervous system still remembers. Evaluating goals brings up discomfort, memories, and grief. Avoidance felt easier, at least until the pain of stagnation outweighed the pain of facing it.

Why SMART Goals Actually Work

As a life coach, I often help my clients with setting goals. I encourage the use of SMART goals. SMART goals are goals that are designed to turn vague intentions into clear, actionable plans that are easier to follow through on. They work because they reduce cognitive load and emotional overload. They provide clarity, structure, and direction; all things the brain needs to feel safe to act.

But, I didn't create a SMART goal for my projects. Even though I believe wholeheartedly that this is an excellent tool for achieving goals, my own trauma got in the way and I figured, I can figure this out without, because I didn't want to be confronted with the pain of my memories.

The truth came knocking when I realized I had not met my own goals. I knew I needed a plan. This led me right back to the SMART worksheet (available as a free download) that I now use across all my projects. It helps to break large goals into smaller more supportive, actionable steps, which also forces me to answer the questions that I once avoided.

The truth is: When goals feel manageable, excuses lose their power.

Time Frames Over Deadlines

Another major shift was letting go of rigid deadlines. Strict dates triggered shutdown. If I missed a single date, I quit entirely.

Instead, I adopted flexible time frames:

1-2 hours a day
Progress over perfection
Consistency over urgency
Regular breaks or days off

This approach aligns with behavioral psychology, which shows that sustainable habits form through repetition, not pressure.

And it worked.

Proof That Change IS Possible

I am proud to say that I have completed another Book of Shadows Collection. This is no small feat.

I was able to complete this collection, not because I suddenly became more motivated, but because I stopped making excuses long enough to understand what was really holding me back.

My growth didn't come from self-criticism but from honest reflection, better systems, and compassion for why the habits existed in the first place. I didn't fail. Failure would imply that I gave up. I never did. I just didn't understand why I was struggling in the first place.

Final Reflection: Growth Requires Looking Forward

Growth only happens when we stop and examine what's blocking our path.

Excuses don't make us weak, they reveal where we need clarity, support, and healing. When we choose awareness over avoidance, structure over stress, and compassion over blame, growth becomes possible.

Making excuses doesn't equal growth. Facing them does.

Want a little help getting started with your own goals?

I've created a free, downloadable SMART Goal Worksheet to guide you through the process. It’s the same framework I used to get clarity, become focused, and get back on track.

Click here for the Free Downloadable SMART Goals Worksheet

You can also find the Worksheet on the Free Resources Page.

Making Excuses Doesn't Equal Growth