Decisions: How We Choose, and Why It Matters

 

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"In Spanish, French, and Italian, 'decisions' are something you 'take', like a train that leads you somewhere new. Whereas in English you 'make' them like little pieces of your own creation. But in German you 'meet' them, like friends." 

~The Language Nerds on Facebook 

 

Making decisions can be one of the hardest parts of life. Every day, whether we notice it or not, we're making them. From the tiniest moment to the biggest life altering fork in the road. Just getting out of bed in the morning is a decision. What to wear, what to ear, whether to show up for the day or not - it all counts.

Some decisions feel automatic, like second nature. Others keep us up at night. And the thing is, there won't ever be a day where we don't face some kind of choice. That's part of being human.

A Few Definitions to Ground Us

Before we go too deep, it's helpful to understand some of the words we're working with:

• Decisions: Choosing between different possibilities. It can be quick, or it can take time, but it always means taking a direction.
• Logic: Making decisions based on facts, reason, and analysis.
• Intuition: Going with what feels right deep down, even if you can't explain why.
• Risk: The unknown that comes with any decision. The possibility of something going wrong or right.

How Our Decisions Shape Us

Each decision has a ripple effect, even the small ones. Sometimes the effects show up immediately. Other times, they unfold years later, quietly shaping where we end up.

Take something like quitting school. In the moment, it might seem like the only way out of stress or chaos. And maybe it works for a while. But years down the road, when you try to change jobs or start over, you might hit a wall. That early decision, made when you were just trying to survive, can impact things like job security, mental health, or even where you live.

None of this is to shame past decisions. We all do the best we can with what we know. But it shows how powerful one choice can be. Even a small moment, like deciding to reach out to someone or show up for yourself, can shift the path ahead.

The Tug Between Logic and Intuition

When it comes to how we make decisions, most of us lean on either logic or intuition, or some mix of both.

• Logic helps us weigh the facts. It's the voice that asks, "What makes the most sense?" It keeps us grounded and safe.
• Intuition is the quiet nudge in your chest or gut. It might not always make sense at the time, but it feels true. It's that voice that says, "Go this way," even when you can't explain why.

Trusting logic can keep you out of trouble. But if you rely on it too much, you might find yourself repeating the same patterns and never moving forward. On the other hand, intuition can open you up to new opportunities, but it asks you to take a leap of faith. 

Learning to trust your gut, especially when it lines up with your values, can connect you to your truest, most aligned self. That place where decisions don't just feel right, they feel like you. 

The Hot Stove Effect: One Burn Can Shape a Life

Think about a child who touches a hot stove. The burn teaches them something fast - stoves are dangerous. After that, they might avoid stoves altogether, even when they are off. 

That's what psychologists call the Hot Stove Effect. One painful experience becomes a lesson that shapes future choices, sometimes for years. It's a way our brains try to protect us.

But this doesn't just happen with stoves. It happens with people too.

Maybe someone hurt you or let you down. Your brain files that away: don't trust people, they always leave. And just like that, a wall goes up. You start avoiding not just the person, but anything that even feels similar to that situation.

It's understandable. But here's the problem - when we like like that, we're not really making decisions. We're reaction. We're letting fear call the shots instead of possibility. And while that keeps us sage, it also keeps us small.

What's Really Going On Behind the Scenes

A lot of the choices we make are influenced by things we don't even realize. Here a few that come up often:

• Cognitive Biases: These are mental shortcuts we use to make decisions quickly. They help us survive, but they're not always accurate. For example, confirmation bias makes us focus only on the information that supports what we already believe.
• Fear: A big one. So many decisions are made not from clarity, but from fear. Fear of getting hurt. Fear of failing. Fear of not being enough. And when fear is in charge, we often stay stuck.
• Choice Overload: Sometimes we have too many options. It can be overwhelming, and instead of feeling empowered, we freeze. Or we choose something safe just to get it over with.
• Emotional Memory: We carry the emotional weight of past experiences into new ones. Even if a situation is totally different, it can feel the same - and that can make it hard to trust ourselves or others again. 

How We See Decisions Matters

That quote at the beginning is not just a fun language fact, it quietly says a lot about how we relate to choices, and maybe even how that relationship shifts as we move through different stages of life.

In English, we say we 'make' decisions, like we're building something out of nothing. In Romance languages like Spanish, French, or Italian, you 'take' decisions, as if they already exists, and it's a matter of stepping into them. In German, you 'meet' decisions, as if they're familiar companions crossing your path.

These aren't just quirks of translation. They reflect something deeper about how we experience decision making.

When we're young, decisions can feel like a burden. There's pressure to get it "right," or not mess up. Every choice can seem huge, final, and overwhelming, like we're forging something permanent with each step. That's the feeling behind "making" decisions. It's creative, yes, but also weighty.

As we grow older and gain experience, we start to understand that decisions are not always permanent. Life is more fluid than that. We begin to "take" decisions more freely, seeing them as invitations to move forward, to explore a direction, to try something new. The pressure lessens. We begin to understand that no single choice defines everything. There's room to grow, shift, and change.

An then later in life, after we've faced countless decisions, some we're proud of, some we've learned from, we begin to "meet" them. They're not strangers anymore. They're familiar visitors. We recognize their shape and their timing. There's a sense of calm and understanding, even when the choice is hard. We've been here before. We've learned how to trust ourselves. Decisions become less like problems to solve and more like conversations with an old friend.

So how we view decisions really does matter, not just in the moment, but across the span of a life. The language we use reflects how we feel about the choices in front of us: as burdens, as opportunities, or as companions. 

When we shift our mindset from pressure to presence, from fear to curiosity, our decisions stop being something we have to survive, and start becoming something we get to shape. 

Making Decisions From a Place of Clarity

Here are a few things that might help when you're trying to make a decision, whether it's a big one or a small one:

1. Take a Pause
   Give yourself a moment to breathe. Sometimes we need a little space before the right choice becomes clear.
2. Ask Where It's Coming From
   Is this decision being made from fear? Or from love? From survival? Or from growth?
3. Listen to Your Gut
   If your body is telling you something: Pay Attention! You don't need a reason to trust yourself.
4. Let Go of the Need to be Certain
   You won't always know how things will turn out. And that's okay. Uncertainty is part of the process.
5. Be Gentle With Mistakes
   Every decision teaches you something. Even if it doesn't go how you hoped, there's value in the experience.

Final Thoughts: You're Shaping Your Life Every Day

At the end of the day, you might not always get to choose what happens to you. But you do get to choose how you respond. And that choice, that decision, is powerful.

The way you choose to show up for yourself, to try again, to forgive, to take the risk, to rest when needed, that is how life is built. Not all at once. But choice by choice.

So maybe next time you're faced with a decision, big or small, you can take a breath and remind yourself:

You're not just making a decision. You're making life.